Boy do I feel safe now! The military forces of a huge despotic tyrant has after nine months caught a small despotic ex-tyrant hiding in a hole. Both of them stole / fixed elections to get where they are today.

Who is Saddam Hussein? He's Ronald Reagan's Butt Boy, the ass that Reagan used to kill millions of Iranians. Iran had released the U.S. hostages the day Reagan was inaugurated, removing the excuse for the Hollywood bit actor to bomb the crap out of Iran himself. Reagan's dentures must have fallen out when he heard he couldn't star in the remake of "Bombs Over Teheran". So the U.S. gave Saddam Hussein billions of dollars worth of weapons (yes, that's billions with a B), so that he could act as Reagan's bombing surrogate. Millions of Iranians died from bombs, rockets and (guess what?) POISON GAS supplied by Reagan's Republican administration. This is before Reagan's toad stool Oliver North illegally sold U.S. missiles to Iran and pocketed much of the money that wasn't used to kill Nicuraguans and flood black communities with crack (never mind - long story).

Yes, the U.S. provided Saddam with the only Weapons of Mass Destruction that he actually had (we won't count the imaginary ones Little Bushy lied about). The U.S. built Saddam's military into the fourth largest armed force in the world, until Big Bushy in 1991 turned around and blew up many of the weapons Reagan had given Saddam, killing a quarter million Iraqi soldiers and civilians.

I read an e-mail recently that said the CIA tricked nineteen Muslims onto airliners on September 11, 2001, then flew the planes by remote control into the Twin Towers. Earlier, CIA agents dressed as Arabs had planted explosives on the same floors of the World Trade Center. It was argued that the destruction of the buildings looked like controlled demolition, similar to ones you see when they blow up casinos in Las Vegas. The CIA did all this to give Bush an excuse to invade Afghanistan and Iraq, depose Arabs in those countries that don't like him, control (steal) their oil and resources, clamp Draconian laws on the U.S. in the name of "Freedom", and bolster sympathy for Israel.

As much as I love conspiracies, and as much as I detest the U.S., Israel, Bush and the Patriot Act, I can't go for this one:

A) The WTC was not constructed like the Empire State Building or most other modern skyscrapers; there were no internal beams, columns or girders holding it up. The entire inside was hollow; it was constructed like a big steel tube, leaving huge open spaces on each floor (if you worked there, you wouldn't have to peek around columns at you co-workers). When the planes hit, the supporting outer skeleton melted and it collapsed straight down. (Reportedly even Osama was surprised at the massive destruction).

B) If the CIA went to the trouble of having fake Arabs plant explosives for a controlled demolition (which wasn't necessary because there were no internal beams) why bother with the airplane part? Why not just blow up the buildings and blame the Arabs? They would have to fool 19 Muslim loyalists to get on the planes and then steer them (by remote?) into the exact part of the building where the explosives were planted. Since there were no beams and columns, those explosives would have had to be planted in a ring completely around both buildings, they would then have to hit that ring at 500 MPH with two remote controlled airliners!

C) America is evil enough to plant phony evidence of "Arab madmen" blowing up the WTC. They're evil enough to use this an excuse to kill thousands of Afghans and Iraqis and steal their oil. But this whole e-mail reeks of the "How Could Anyone Hate America Enough To Do This?" syndrome to blind whoever wrote it to the fact that the U.S. has murdered millions, stolen billions and overthrown almost 100 governments in the last 100 years.

D) THAT'S WHY THEY HATE YOU!!!

E) The e-mail denies that those 19 Muslims had the courage and brains to strike a massive blow at a system they see (correctly) as evil and corrupt. The e-mail admits to the evil, but credits it with being all-powerful and all-knowing, relegating the Muslims to the status of just being 19 more victims of the CIA along with more than 6,000 people who died in the towers. They doctored the numbers to show less that half of the actual casualties in the WTC attack, which is another indication of their innocence. If the CIA did this, why hide the amount of the real damage, if the whole point is to outrage the U.S. population?)

F) US fighter jets shot down the fourth airliner; no hijacker in the world can knock a piece off a plane so that it lands six miles from the rest of the wreckage. Let's Roll! my ass! Bush (or more probably the real president Cheney) gave the command to shoot down a plane full of Americans so CNN wouldn't have a photo of a jetliner's tail sticking out the window of the Oval office.

I don't know what you heard about me 
But you can't pry a brain cell outta me
I'm the same stupid ass that you see
Who thinks it's fine to be a P.I.M.P

Read me the paper and tell me what it said
Nine shots in my mother f*cking head
If I act like a brain dead simp
It's cause I'm a stupid mother f*cking pimp!

So all these brave Americans who bragged how invincible they were, who laughed as they blew up people all over the world, are stunned that someone would dare to blow up American buildings, using their own planes as bombs, no less! Despite the notions commonly floating around the U.S., the rest of the world is not sub-human. They love their wives and kiss their babies, enjoy a cold beer after a hard days work and look forward to watching a good game on the tube.

If enough Palestinians, Afganis, Iraqis, Croatians, Vietnamese, Laotians, Panamanians, Grenadians, Somalians, Nicaraguans, South Africans, Haitians, Lebanese, Chileans, Iranians and Libyans* come home to find their wives and babies splattered over the smoking ruin of their TV set after a U.S. bombing run, they just might, maybe, possibly, be a little pissed off. *(Partial list of U.S. military murder spree sites since 1975). Imagine how they feel about their hospitals, roads, bridges, electrical plants, dams and cities left as smoking ruins by American bombs.

Oh, that's right, you don't have to imagine anymore. Remember how you felt on September 11, 2001.

Since 1946 the United States has invaded 46 nations, and through the CIA has destabilized and overthrown dozens more. The same non-black Americans who are in denial about profiting from slavery and racism also seem to have no clue why someone might hate America. "We're the world's greatest democracy!" (Bull, see PoliTricks) "They're just jealous of our freedoms!" (Since 9-11: Draconian laws, thousands jailed without trial in the U.S.) "They're a Triumvirate of Evil!" (Thousands dead since 9-11 in American invasions of two countries who never attacked the U.S.)

Let's figure out who's really evil. During World War II America said it was fighting a war to stop evil Axis tyrants from taking over the world by invading other countries. Invading other nations must be evil, huh? After WWII it was a Cold War to stop the Evil Empire of the Soviets. Now the U.S. must fight a War On Terrorism (This paragraph is beginning to read like the Lord of the Rings).

Here is the total number of countries these nations have invaded 1946-2003: Russia (4), Iraq (2), Viet Nam (0), China (0), Libya (0), Afghanistan (0).

America (46)! We're number ONE! We're number ONE! We're number ONE!

Hot Steamy B.S. hereby awards it's first annual Big Blaster Award to William Jefferson Clinton.

Bill wins this prestigious award for being the first U.S. President to openly attack a white country (Yugoslavia) in fifty five years! America's track record of killing only people of color may explain why Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic thought he could get away with slaughtering thousands of his people without U.S. intervention. He knew that America had not attacked a white country since Nazi Germany in 1945.

Sure, the U.S. carried on a secret war of sabotage and assassination aimed at more than 100 countries during the last fifty years, and until the end of the Cold War a white country (Russia) was that secret war's major target, but the U.S has not openly invaded Russia since 1919.

Should Bill be attacking Yugoslavia to stop the slaughter? Sure, probably, if we have been told the truth about the situation. I'll even give him his props for invading Haiti and Somalia, which were about as humanitarian a use for the U.S. military as I've ever seen a president conduct. (Boy . . . was that was a hard statement for me to write!) I know I'll sound silly here, but Kennedy, Johnson, Reagan, Nixon or Bush should have done the same with apartheid South Africa. Even though blacks outnumbered whites in that country 20-1, America would never invade and stop a white government's slaughter of the black majority.

Since the end of World War II America's military has attacked more than forty countries; every one of them black, brown or yellow. Millions of non-white people have died in the glorious cause of making this nation the richest country on the planet, while not one of these countries has been strong enough to retaliate and attack the U.S in return.

Here's a short list of some of the forty countries attacked, overthrown or invaded by the U.S. since 1946:

South Korea, North Korea, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, Iraq, North Viet Nam, South Viet Nam, Cambodia, Laos, Santo Domingo, Cuba, Haiti, Grenada, Panama, Nicaragua, Chile, Libya, Columbia, Somalia, Jordan, Iran, Kuwait, Thailand, El Salvador, Yugoslavia and Afghanistan.

While the U.S. attacked 43 countries between 1945 and 1999, Russia attacked a total of three: Yugoslavia, Poland and Afghanistan! (And two of those three countries are white!) Yet we were told that Russia was an "Evil Empire" trying to take over the world in the fifties and sixties. Yes, they were pretty evil, but guess what that makes America?

WE'RE NUMBER ONE! WE'RE NUMBER ONE! When it comes to evil, when it comes to killing non-white people in foreign lands and taking their resources . . . WE'RE NUMBER ONE! We trashed those damned Ruskies 43 to 3, but we caused a lot of sudden death overtimes! The Empire Strikes Back!

I know the Republican's have been playing with Bill's head, but the pressure must have become too great! The time should be long past when Europeans (translation: white people) like Clinton enforce their political or economic will on non-Europeans by killing them. I was encouraged in past years when Clinton showed military restraint in Somalia, Bosnia and Haiti (Nixon, Reagan or Bush would have massacred thousands of people instead of a few hundred) so I held out some hope for the boy.

But clearly Bill's not used to having people play with this particular head; the impeachment thing has him all flustered. He's flustered enough to try to distract the public with a few explosion-scattered body parts. If he thinks that killing people like a Republican will get the GOP elephant off his private . . . life, he's got another think coming. All Bill is doing is falling into the mold all European leaders (like himself); the role they have played for the last 500 years. Lets take a brief look at the history of Iraq:

One hundred years ago the British invaded Iraq and carved out the oil fields for themselves; they called their stolen oil kingdom Kuwait. For the last century European oil companies have had a field day pumping billions of dollars worth of cheap oil out of a country they controlled through Arab puppets. Americans meanwhile supported dictator Saddam Hussein with millions of dollars worth of arms until he had the fourth largest standing army in the world.

Next door in Iran the people got tired of the CIA-installed Shah after 25 years and ran him out. He had to take hundreds of CIA-trained Savak agents (his secret police) with him, since Savak could no longer abduct hundreds of Iranians (their mangled bodies tended to show up months later in vacant fields after CIA-instructed torture). When Iranian students, for some unexplained reason ticked off at the U.S., held U.S. Embassy employees hostage for 444 days, Reagan came into office itching to bomb somebody. But he couldn't . . . the hostages were released the day he was sworn in.

But Reagan needed to punish those uppity Iranians; he had long time U.S. ally Saddam Hussein in Iraq attack Iran for him. Hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of Iranians are killed by Hussein's army, air force, missiles, nerve gas and biological weapons; billions of dollars worth of military equipment all supplied by . . . guess who? The United States and your tax dollars! Later when Bush wants to put a few million notches on his gun, this same Saddam Hussein, America's greatest Middle Eastern ally, is suddenly America's greatest enemy, and it's the Iraqi's turn to duck.

Nine years ago Saddam suddenly decided to use the military might America gave him to take Kuwait back. Bush got his notches by bulldozing desert sand berms using plows fitted on U.S. tanks . . . he buried a quarter million Iranian solders alive and then played videos on the evening news about "smart bombs". Somehow Saddam was not touched; he's in power to this day so that his masters can have a convenient target to throw fire crackers at when they want to distract us from impeachment or whatever else they don't want us to think about.

And your tax dollars? This week Bill sent 800 cruise missiles at $1,000,000.00 a pop to blow up buildings and people In Iraq. That's almost a billion dollars worth of cruise missiles, not counting the ships and planes and bombs and military personnel and food and fuel and uniforms and . . .

That's enough to make me forget about impeachment!

Don't you just love the designer titles the U.S. military uses these days when they decide it's time to start killing people? The latest one is "Desert Fox", but last time it started out as "Desert Shield" and when the shooting started the spin doctors suddenly switched the label to "Desert Storm". Back in the "good ole' days" a War was a War . . . and sounded like one: the Revolutionary War, the French and Indian war, the Mexican War, the Civil War (I suspect it wasn't really very civil), the Spanish American War, World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Viet Nam War . . . War, War, War! Desert Storm sounds like a men's cologne. They could put that in their TV adds: "Be All That You Can Be . . . Kill All That You Can kill . . . and dab on a refreshing splash of Desert Storm!"

The euphemisms didn't just start however; as late as the 1950's the army and air force were part of the War Department. Then they changed the name to the Defense Department, even though there is very little defending going on; there has been no attack by a foreign military on U.S. soil in the last 186 years (Hawaii was a colony in 1941). There has, however, been a lot of warring going on; beside the wars already named, the U.S. military has attacked forty two countries in undeclared wars since the end of World War II in 1945. By contrast, Russia attacked three countries during the same time period.

Let's be honest; it's the War Department, and it's the Iraq War II. America and Nazi Germany have a lot in common.

America seems to be highly upset with the fact that Bill Clinton cheated on his wife . . . it seems to me to be a matter only the two of them need to be concerned about. The country cheered recently when Clinton sent hundreds of cruise missiles into three foreign countries, destroying buildings and killing dozens of people. I am much more concerned about whether Clinton can keep his missiles in their silos than whether he can keep his Willy in his pants!

I say let's give Monica the government position she was seeking; let's make it official and give her a salary as the Head Mistress General or maybe Willy-Sucker-In-Chief or Director of Executive Willysuction. Let's enlarge the area under the desk in the Oral Office and install a comfortable sling she could hang in under the desk. Whenever he was feeling executive stress, Bill could push a button and a lighted sign would come on under the desk saying "I love you, Poo Bear!" and the motorized sling would slide her into a position where, even if she couldn't keep her mouth closed, at least it could be stuffed so full she couldn't tell anybody about it for a while.

Monica would be performing a valuable service, releasing the pressure of pent up presidential fluids. Jack Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson both had women on their White House staffs who performed that service; Thomas Jefferson used his female slaves. If Nixon, Reagan and Bush had gotten their dried out Willys moistened occasionally, perhaps a few million more people would be alive today in Viet Nam, Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, Grenada, Nicaragua, Chile, El Salvador, South Africa, Panama, Iraq, Iran, Kuwait and Lebanon.

Conservatives harp on the fact that Clinton lied to cover up his affair and therefore want to impeach or politically embarrass him. Hypocrites! The truth is everybody lies; not just certain politicians, all politicians lie. How can I say that? You've heard the old joke; how can you tell when a politician is lying? Answer; when you see their lips move! Politicians are people, people lie . . . all people lie . . . and if you deny that fact, you're lying right now!

George Washington once sold a human being for a barrel of rum . . . he wasn't impeached. Jefferson slept with his slave mistress in the White House, later selling one of his own children . . . he wasn't impeached. Lincoln said he freed the slaves, but if you read the Emancipation Proclamation he declared the slaves free only in the Confederate states, where he wasn't president! There were still slaves in Washington, D.C., where he was president, and he never freed a single one . . . he wasn't impeached. Roosevelt had advanced warning of Pearl Harbor and let the Japanese attack; killing thousands of Americans so that he could join World War II . . . he wasn't impeached. He also locked thousands of Americans in concentration camps because their grandparents came from Japan . . . his grandparents came from Germany, why didn't he lock German Americans up? Again . . . he wasn't impeached. Roosevelt had an affair with his secretary, while his wife had one with another woman, once again . . . he wasn't impeached.

Eisenhower had an affair with Kay Somersby, his WWII Jeep driver . . . he wasn't impeached. Kennedy made a deal with his dad's Mafia buddys to lay off the Mob if they stuffed ballot boxes in Chicago and West Virginia to get him elected president . . . he wasn't impeached. Kennedy slept with hookers in the White House . . . he wasn't impeached. J.F.K. also slept with Judith Campbell Exner, the mistress of Mafia boss Sam Giancana; Judy says she took notes back and forth between the two men . . . he wasn't impeached. He also held nude pool parties and smoked dope in the White House (he inhaled). Reporters knew all of this . . . and he wasn't impeached, except maybe during that "Ballistic Impeachment" run by the Mafia and C.I.A. in Dallas in November 1963.

Nixon was stupid, venal and ugly . . .he wasn't impeached. He threatened to cancel the 1972 presidential elections (thus crowning himself king) . . . he wasn't impeached. Nixon brought millions of dollars worth of heroin out of the Golden Triangle in southeast Asia on C.I.A. owned Air America planes and sold it to the Mafia to fund illegal secret wars in Laos and Cambodia . . . he wasn't impeached. The heroin found its way to the streets of the U.S. where black communities were doped up in the biggest chemical warfare operation aimed at non-white people since the Opium Wars in China . . . he wasn't impeached; but the Civil Rights / Black Power movement died.

Nixon hired a C.I.A. hit / burglar team to perform break-ins and probably assassinations on his political enemies and paid hush money to cover it up . . . he almost got impeached, but wasn't. Reagan said he would eliminate the U.S. trade deficit, instead he quadrupled it . . . he wasn't impeached. Reagan, Bush and Oliver North illegally sold millions of dollars worth of U.S. missiles to the Ayatollah in Iran . . . Reagan wasn't impeached. They then put the illegal millions in secret bank accounts which have never been accounted for . . . he wasn't impeached. They used some of the money to buy illegal arms for the Nicaraguan Contras after Congress made that illegal . . . he still wasn't impeached.

Reagan and Bush flew these illegal arms shipments to Nicaragua in C.I.A. owned Southern Air Transport planes, which landed in Costa Rica and picked up shipments of cocaine which they flew back to the U.S. . . . they weren't impeached. The drugs were sold to the Mafia and the money used to buy more illegal arms for the Contras . . . but Bush wasn't impeached. He just got to head up Reagan's "Just Say No!" program to keep kids away from drugs! Bush also said he would cut taxes; once elected, he raised them! Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!

Why in the world do Americans get all exited when some muscle-bound steroid jockey hits seventy home runs? He didn't cure cancer, he didn't cure aids, he didn't solve America's racial problems or develop a way to help thousands of people who are eating out of garbage cans in the richest nation on earth. He didn't solve the inequity that results from European nations conquering and then exploiting black, brown and yellow nations for the last five hundred years. McGwire (by the way, who taught his grandparents to spell?) just happens to be good at one thing: hitting other people's balls with a big stick. Yet they pay him millions of dollars to play with balls while school teachers have to scrape by to survive.

Thomas Jefferson recently became the subject of DNA tests like O.J. Simpson, with scientists trying to determine whether Jefferson fathered children by one of his slaves, Sally Hemmings. Although Jefferson's white descendants have denied the sexual relationship between Jefferson and his slave for almost 200 years, enough historical evidence existed to convince anyone with an open mind that Jefferson didn't put his mouth where his "principles" were.

When newspapers in the early 1800's printed stories that Jefferson was sleeping in the White House with Hemmings after his wife died, Jefferson lied and denied the truth. Visitors to his Virginia plantation Monticello noted that several slave children bore a remarkable resemblance to Jefferson, right down to his red hair. Jefferson even sold one of his children with Hemmings to another plantation. Jefferson wrote that blacks were inherently inferior to whites, and that blacks and whites should not intermingle sexually. (Jefferson was a stupendous hypocrite: the same man who wrote "All men are created equal" kept 200 human beings chained as slaves in his back yard.)

The truth is even more fantastic than the DNA test results which confirmed that Jefferson fathered Hemmings' children . . . Sally was the half sister of Jefferson's wife! Hemmings was a third generation concubine, her mother and grandmother had served this same function for their white Virginia slave masters. Hemmings was bred to serve as a concubine, just as her mother had been bred to sleep with the father of Jefferson's wife. When his father-in-law died, Jefferson inherited dozens of his slaves, including young Sally (who was 30 years his junior). Sally was his father-in-law's daughter by his own slave concubine, thus she was Jefferson's wife's half sister and Jefferson's illicit half sister-in-law.

Jefferson and Hemmings had half a dozen children, and now have hundreds of black descendants. Jefferson's white descendants, who have always controlled the big house (Monticello), now say they will include information about Jefferson's relationship with Hemmings on the Monticello tour. Now that we have scientific as well as historical evidence of Jefferson's hypocrisy and immorality, it should be fascinating to take the tour.

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